found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
