Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
