you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
