Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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