What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
