So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
