I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
ugly people sure do ruin things
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
