im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
