don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
