I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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