Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
