Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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