you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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