tell your sister to shave her snatch
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
