By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
