Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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