I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
