I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
