Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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