she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
