Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
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Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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