And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
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What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
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honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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