Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
