I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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