Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
