hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
