Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
