Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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