I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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