Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
