too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
