i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.