wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
