I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
