I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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