you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
