I puked a lego.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
