my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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