I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
