god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All I want is dick and wine.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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