She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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