It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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