I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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