You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
