he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
