My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
