the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
