Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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