too bad you live with your parents still
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize