I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
