just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
