and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
