She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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