Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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