well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
