How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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