How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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