apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
