He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
