I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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