You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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