i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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