In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
