I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
