well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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