it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
