I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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