i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize